True Confidence: 4 Myths That Are Holding You Back

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True Confidence: 4 Myths That Are Holding You Back

For most people, what comes to mind when they think of confidence is feeling confident. Others may think of it as a personality trait, or a belief in their abilities, or self-esteem. The truth is that these are a few of many misconceptions about confidence. None of the above are what confidence truly is. Let's take a closer look at the four main myths about confidence, and how they can hold you back from success in life.


True confidence is not a feeling. Nervousness, anxiety, apprehension, and fear are NORMAL feelings to feel... Confident people still feel these things, but they are still confident.



True confidence is not a personality trait. Extroverts are often judged as being confident, and introverts as not confident. The truth is that there are many seemingly outgoing people who have very low levels of confidence, and many reserved people with extremely high levels of confidence.



True confidence does not come from what happens around you. External accomplishments in and of themselves do not create confidence. This is because external circumstances don't create feelings. Our thoughts create our feelings.

Believing that you’re good at something is competency, not confidence. You can be confident that you’re good at something but can also be confident that you’re bad at something. This type of certainty magnifies whatever we tell ourselves. We tend to act on what we’re certain about, causing us to create the outcome we expected and validating that belief system. Ultimately this is unhelpful and not the type of confidence we want. We need a better definition of confidence.


For most people what comes to mind when they think of confidence  feeling  confident. Others may think of it as a personality trait, or a belief in their abilities, or self esteem. None of these things are what confidence truly is. | Transformation Mentor


Self-esteem is really just self-judgment. Self-esteem encourages people to think positively about themselves. It might make you feel good at the moment, but it doesn’t lead to true confidence. In fact, the need to feel good about yourself can actually lower your confidence because growth and success often require you to do new things that you’re not good at, leading you to have a negative self-judgment. Seeking to feel good at all times can actually hold you back.

If your confidence is improved by success and diminished by failure, then you are talking about self-esteem and not confidence. One way that you might try and boost your self-esteem is by making yourself appear better than others by acting arrogant, or constantly competing. The only way to win in this situation is to lower your standards and make your goals easier to accomplish. You win more so you feel better about yourself, but in the end, you lose.

You lose because your ego is big but your self-esteem is vulnerable. If you build your self-esteem around your looks, you eventually age and your self-worth plummet. If you build it around being intelligent and you find yourself around more intelligent people, you’ll shrink back. In fact, you’ll probably surround yourself with less intelligent people.

If you build your self-esteem around being right, you’ll damage your relationships by constantly battling the ones you love to win, and end up losing trust and love. You’ll battle for bad ideas just because their yours, robbing yourself and others of greatness.


So if confidence is not a feeling, not a fixed trait, and not belief in yourself… and confidence is not your self-esteem as a whole, then what is it? Simply put, confidence is a SKILL. A skill that can be grown and developed and strengthened like a muscle.

True confidence is built around the ability to learn and be resourceful. This allows you to become someone who can grow, change, learn. That way, failure is no longer possible and your belief in yourself is no longer vulnerable.

Confidence is a willingness to try combined with trust that you will figure it out. It’s a willingness to act even though you may feel afraid or uncertain. Confidence is trusting that even if you don’t succeed, you’ll learn something from it and continue to try until you figure it out.

Developing Competence Is A Win-Win!

When you combine confidence with consistent action, you to become competent. When you try something new, either you’ll succeed, or you won’t succeed, but develop valuable insights to apply when you take action again. You’ll learn, grow, develop, and apply what you’ve learned to develop skill, which is competency.

Not only will becoming competent at something improve your self-esteem, but the process of skill-building will also help you develop confidence. No matter where you are now, your willingness to try unlocks your future and allows you to develop to your full potential.

When you change the way you think about yourself and keep practicing to develop competence, you unlock the ability to stop doubting yourself. Then you’ll know, without a doubt, that you can do and create anything you can dream of and step forward with true confidence.

Mia Miller is a mother, wife, athlete, and lover of life. She is also a Transformation Mentor, and founder of works with introspective moms seeking clear life direction to find their true north. She helps them develop the clarity, self-confidence, and can-do mindset to boldly march to the beat of their own drum as they discover renewed purpose, fulfillment, and abundant joy.